The families of adults affected by Cassandra Syndrome can also improve and they will be able to parent in an easier way. Implementing powerful tools for minimizing your relationship's emotional and psychological impact. He does not have trouble figuring out his feelings, and he's very good at researching whatever he wants to learn about. In some cases, the NT wife has been emotionally deprived for so long that it's to the point now where there are mental and physical ramifications. A compelling vision rooted in your highest values so that you may return to or, for the first time, establish a strong sense of self. She was diagnosis with Aspergers syndrome in 1999. The Cassandra phenomenon depicts a state of confusion, self-doubt, and inner turmoil that is all too familiar among neurotypical people who, when describing their experiences with an adult on the spectrum, are doubted, discounted, ignored, even rejected by friends, family members, and sometimes professionals who disbelieve their account. It's a task that can be puzzling without a neurodiverse lens. In contrast, adults with Aspergers have more specific preferences about the kind of sensations they like and dislike. Ya, intellectual empathy is hard to grasp or for many to consider real empathy. I thought the zero empathy theory was generated by Sir Baron-Cohen from the Autism Research Centre in his books, Mindblindness, then A Question of Evil (Zero Degrees of Empathy). Feeling desperate! In the workplace and in educational settings, a diagnosis of Aspergers can provide access to helpful resources and support that might otherwise not have been available. Whether in unison with Neurodiversity couples counseling or not, having personal guidance and a community that supports you is very beneficial. It is often the case that a person seeking an evaluation does not have any documentation, formal or informal, that is relevant to the assessment process. Strange fixations about how the house should be arranged all the furniture lined up against one wall, or all the appliances in the kitchen crammed onto one counter, because it "looks better that way". However, I am still pretty traumatised by the marriage that had come to be. Just as often other people, in researching Aspergers symptoms, believe the person coming to see me has those very characteristics and therefore must have Aspergers. Some people receive a diagnosis of Aspergers with discouragement and disapproval, believing they necessarily will be severely limited in how they can lead their lives. What If Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Is A Social Learning Difference? He refuses to consider that he might need an evaluation. It is commonly assumed that Aspergers makes someone too difficult to be around, unable to get along with people, too narrowly focused on their own interests, and too stubborn, self-absorbed and lacking in empathy to be a contributing member of society, a view that is narrow in its own right and sadly mistaken in many cases. Santa Ana, CA. Misappropriating CPTSD (which is the result of prolonged trauma, most frequently during childhood) by claiming that simply dating a neurodiverse person is incredibly demeaning to people who have actually been through traumatic experiences. Before coming to this group, I was depressed to the point where I was wearing sweatshirts and pajama pants daily. PARTNERS of Alexithymics face unique challenges that are often misunderstood by others, creating an atmosphere of isolation and loneliness. SAD is caused by sunlight deprivation, which will cause a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain. I think you mean "her husband may be likewise neuroatypical." The Empathizing-Systemizing Theory of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder. No one can do a simple task without it being critiqued, commented on and often shouted at. Provide individual, child and family counseling to clients. Then why not all join hands and make empathy deficits okay and focus on other skills to guide behavior, like a solid moral compass, compassion, agreeableness and emotional self-regulation. He does not want anything to change, ever. There are real changes that can occur once couples have better ways to understand, communicate, and gain greater empathy. A new, and more accurate, understanding of the person can lead to appreciation and respect for what the person is coping with. Everyone's different." I am looking for ways to minimize the impact of being around sudden storms of swearing that I cannot tell are coming (I don't know the "rumble" signs; I will ask him to look out for them and help me understand how they manifest, once he knows). That is not an insurmountable problem. For people who suspect they have Autism Spectrum Disorder and want a professional evaluation, I provide a comprehensive assessment of these conditions. Often this gives others the impression that they lack emotion. In the early 2000's, the term Cassandra Phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the Cassandra syndrome, was coined to describe a group of symptoms that often occur in individuals who live with or know adults with Asperger's. I lived the most wonderfully hurtful life possible being the mother. Shining a little extra light on the fact that it is always important, with every human being, to consider the whole person in addition to noting strands of commonality. There was also an obvious cause that they and I knew about. I miss my best friends or family when we are apart for a long time. Of course women can be autistic. Tutoring reports, evaluations of group activities, personal diaries, family recordings and other such records often provide valuable insights about the likelihood of Aspergers. Welcome to the Cassandra Syndrome Recovery group on Facebook. Neurotypicals (NT) have tossed out the damaging accusations that neuro-atypicals (NA) have no empathy. Both believe that. As an NT in a neurodivergent marriage with (an as-yet undiagnosed) Aspie, I'm feeling so incredulous. Do better with the victim blaming. He had no awareness of mine or our childrens feelings, how our feelings may impact an event or situation and it became despairing. I have been with my husband for 13 years, married 9 years. Hes unable to make obvious inferences in a conversation, instead insisting that others are not being clear. She is currently conducting online and in person private couples retreats. Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. This unethical behavior has caused families immense pain and devastation. Those signs and symptoms are often subtle and it takes someone with considerable experience to tell whether they are present and, if so, whether there is enough of a case to say confidently that the person has Aspergers. She will make sure you will have a safe place to talk, learn, heal and grow. I am willing to travelbut i need the best!!! It occurs to the person that these intrusive thoughts are the produce of his or her own mind but they cant be stopped. NTs are the victim, especially if we were not told of this neurodivergence before marriage. Cassandra was a beautiful woman whose beauty seduced Apollo into granting her the gift of prophecy. About this group. I let it go at that time and decided to seek therapy for myself since my husband kept telling me I was always complaining, sad, depressed, delusional, critical, judgemental, condescending, needy etc.. Focusing on one thing for a long time is hard for them. With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. It was my sickness, not censorship, R.D., that caused my delay in responding to you until now. This is an excellent article thank you and I'd appreciate it very much if I could be kept in the loop with further research developments on this topic. Complete . First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. After speaking to him last night I started doing some reading about the feelings from my side that have motivated my input to what I now realise has contributed to the downfall of our marriage and found cassandra syndrome. Also, most autistic people I know spend every day trying to make sure their actions dont come off as rude or offensive. I need help, I feel my health is detiorating. Sex was awful, he had issues but refused to discuss them, was awkward with intimacy and would never offer affection unless you specifically asked for it. However, these are two separate issues, and both are true. School reports might indicate past social and emotional difficulties, along with academic tendencies, that could be relevant to any indications of Aspergers syndrome. Cassandra Support Group (Asperger's Syndrome) Join group About this group This group is dedicated to supporting women who are (or have been) with partners who either have Asperger's Syndrome or who you strongly believe See more Private Only members can see who's in the group and what they post. They dont conform to social norms with respect to lawful behavior, such as destroying property, stealing, harassing others, and cheating. Others repeat behaviors or say names or phrases over and over hoping to guard against some unknown harm. In fact, he was angry most of the time. Im glad you found this article helpful! My grandmother had polio, lost the use of one leg, was kept in bed in a leg cast for a year because that was the prevailing medical advice in the rural Midwest, was fortunate and went to college (govt. Hence a thorough understanding of early social, emotional, family, academic and behavioral experiences are essential to the diagnostic process. Online Support Groups and Discussion Forums AANE's online support groups and discussion forums are an opportunity to connect, share common experiences, and learn about valuable resources. Thats my clinical opinion and thats what Ive written here. They can consider what other people are thinking much easier than adults with Aspergers and they participate in the give-and-take of social interactions more readily. They may talk a lot and have more one-sided conversations as do adults with ADHD but they do so because lacking an understanding of how the person they are talking to is grasping what they are saying they are, in effect, talking to themselves. It is alarming that those who push this agenda refuse to engage in meaningful dialogue with objective individuals in order to control the narrative. That's helpful to my mental state. Here is a description of the psychiatric conditions most frequently associated with Aspergers: People with ADHD typically have difficulty paying attention to whats going on around them, they are easily distracted, they tend to do things without thinking about the results, they are often forgetful, have trouble finishing what they intended to do, are disorganized, jump from one activity to another, are restless and have poor social skills. Join our caring Cassandra Syndrome Support Group where you will find growth and understanding from others who are living your experience. They dont know how to act appropriately in social situations and thus tend to avoid them. Mental health . Adult Aspergers Syndrome: The Essential Guide. It explains my crushing loneliness and pain and his bafflement and frustration. Cassandra was a princess in Greek mythology. Their lives seem directionless and they appear to drift along in life. He never understood. "Mark Hutten's Cassandra Syndrome Recovery Group in September 2021 has been life-changing for me. In addition, people with SPD typically do not show these features until late adolescence or adulthood. When a couple arrives at couples counseling, the NT partner may be feeling overwhelmed and distressed by the relationship. The line reads, "Typically, only when their children are diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum do those around her begin to question whether her husband may be likewise neurotypical." My work is not related to the psychological field however since my task is more to this expertise I'm beginning to understand more about mental state. I was in it less than a day because these spouses (married to autistics) are calling them retarded and slamming literally everything about being autistic. Lisa Anzuldua is the author of "I Believe You: Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome". Required fields are marked *. We were all in a place of searching for a better future for ourselves. I can use all kinds of self-soothing, EFT, meditation, etc. One is the intense aloneness at having ones experiences either disbelieved or outright denied. but being around this behavior is physically detrimentalI am still working on strengthening my immune system after cancer recovery. Often, people tell me when we meet to discuss an Aspergers evaluation that the symptoms of Aspergers they have seen, usually online, match what they notice in themselves. I will describe the types of information that is sought in an assessment for Aspergers and how that information is collected. These and other symptomsof the Cassandra PhenomenonorCasandra Syndrome were described two decades years ago. They often say things such as, "Im not the same person I used to be. My question is: how can I appropriately encourage him to engage in learning things that will help our relationship. Are you looking for a reference guide about Aspergers in adults? Fortunately, more couples therapists are getting trained in identifying neuro-atypicality and learning how to work effectively with neurodiverse couples. There is no awareness of how this constant nagging, critisising and commentary makes a person feel inside. CHADD Affiliate Locator - Find a local ADHD support group in your area. Because the person with AS does not have the same relational needs as the non-Asperger partner, he or she is often unable to instinctively recognize the emotional needs of his or her partner and may feel ill-equipped to meet them. The only thing that helps is when he realizes that his ex-wife said many of the same things I mention. The Cassandra Syndrome was coined to describe the difficulty NT partners experience when trying to get acceptance and understanding from their neurodiverse partners, relatives, and therapists. Sounds sort of flip but Penelope Truck once said that neurodiverse women are more like neurotypical men. In this way, support is ongoing and spontaneous.Our next group will go from 8/3/23 to 8/24/23. The Cassandra phenomenon depicts a state of confusion, self-doubt, and inner turmoil that is all too familiar among neurotypical people who, when describing their experiences with an adult on the spectrum, are doubted, discounted, ignored, even rejected by friends, family members, and sometimes professionals who disbelieve their account. After all, you wouldnt go to the trouble of evaluating whether you have a broken foot if, in the first place, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your foot. Reading about Aspergers in a book or articles generally makes it seem that Aspergers is a clear cut, well defined and easily identifiable condition. Find a support group for other people who have partners on the spectrum. A friend recommended joining a support group called Cassandra Support Group (Asperger's Syndrome) on FB as an observer, for the purpose of improving my own relationships. Thanks, Maya! They are the type of person that is others think of as the typical loner.. We work with what we have, and a diagnosis, either way, doesnt depend upon any one piece of the assessment process. He does not have any friends but, you would not think that by looking at his FB page. minimizing your relationship's emotional and psychological impact. I really dont understand this idea that women cant be autistic. Private Newest Cassandra groups Jakarta Cassandra Users 28 Members Started Nov 22 in Jakarta, Indonesia Houston Cassandra Users 20 Members Started Oct 12 in Houston, USA Chesapeake Java Users Group 34 Members Started Jun 8 in Pasadena, USA Seoul Cassandra Meetup Group 13 Members Started Dec 16 in Seoul, Korea (South) Distributed Data Phoenix 48 Members My clinical opinion is that tensions go down between wives and husbands when the woman understands that the destructive labels that shes defaulted to, about her husband, arent accurate. Teach the couple how to relate to one another, and the symptoms recede. Aspergers and Social Anxiety Disorder share the common element of discomfort in social situations. "Cassandra syndrome is the neurotypical (NT) spouse's experience of emotional suffering that results from distressing interpersonal relations with a spouse who does not understand, empathize with, or validate the NT's pain and sorrow." MARK HUTTEN M.A. Thank you for the request, someone from our team will send you more information via email shortly. (Willey 2001. p. 164). You can type a message or send a voice message, and the members will get an alert that you have posted something and can then respond immediately (or soon). Just call me Cassandra! When they are down, they feel sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and inappropriately guilty. What are the advantages & disadvantages of a diagnosis? I'm pretty much just a roommate. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. Best regards from Switzerland. One husband observed: My wife is highly intelligent and quite competent in her field. We are supported by the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Center at Cal State Fullerton, which is involved in research and education related to FM and other chronic pain disorders. My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome. Dr. Kathy McMahon (Dr. K) is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome. Do you have questions youd like to ask an expert in adult Aspergers? I come from a very supportive family and work as a recreational therapist in an inpatient unit at our local hospital. And I'm also thankful that I was introduced to this job role wherein I not only benefited from my work but also I'm learning in most cases the articles I read are having a significant impact on my personality as well as my understanding of people around me suffering this type of issues. Just knowing how the person behaves, thinks and feels does not, in and of itself, tell you whether he or she has Aspergers. An example of this is difficulty noticing whether people are bored or not listening in conversations. Now when the children come back from his they are mentally exhausted and are starting to push back at him now theyre older. However, when Cassandra refused Apollo's romantic advances, he placed a curse on her. It was an especial relief to read this quote from Maxine Aston (I'll look into getting her book): "She will be saying things like []He treats me like an object he is obsessed with routine. Most of the couples I work with have seen one or more therapists who lack training in neurodiversity, particularly combined with science-based couples therapy training.

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